Loving My Life, Today! :) The Grass is Green!

We Are Always Connected to "God"

2009-07-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was emailing back and forth with a friend who is in the process of healing from a physical challenge.

In the midst of this sharing, she noted that she has felt like others may be more connected to God than she is—and thanked me for holding her in prayer.

This has stayed on my mind and in my heart, since then, and is inspiring me to write about this, today.

So, I firmly believe that each and every one of us is equally connected to God—at all times—whether we are aware of it or not.

Maybe we each spend a different amount of time developing this connection or relationship—but I am as connected to our Higher Power—as she is—or any other person is—absolutely.

For a variety of reasons—since I was little—I have spent a lot of time nourishing this relationship with my ever evolving understanding of God.

In part, I think it was a survival thing—when I was little. I needed to believe in a God that was with me, listening to me, pulling for me, even crying with me and saying things to me like, “It’s okay, Kathryn. Some day life will be easier and better. I am with you. Don’t be afraid. I don’t want this for you. I want you to have a beautiful and happy life—and some day we will be able to co-create this together. Stick close to me—and I will be with and guide you throughout your life.”

But even then it was a very, deep love relationship. I really felt love for and loved by God and I wanted others to feel this.

I remember wanting to be a saint (until I realized I was way too human for this)….then a nun….then a missionary (when I realized that I loved boys too much…in 7th grade or so.:)). I used to imagine that some day I’d marry a man who loved God as much as I did—and we’d go around the world and make sure that others knew how much God loved them as well. I did not care what religion they were—for God’s Love is way bigger than any religion. I just wanted everyone on planet earth to know and feel deeply how much they are loved by God.

Imagination is a key factor—I believe—in feeling connected to God. Each of us holds some sort of image in our mind about who God is—and this affects how we relate to God.

As I re-worked my concept of God in my 20’s I made sure to have my understanding of God be someone that I could fully trust and feel close to and loved by—at all times. I took out the judgment parts—and the parts that seemed to expect perfection from me—and I added lots of joy to the mix. I began to really feel like God delighted in me—enjoyed our relationship—and found me funny. :) This allowed me to relax into life a bit more and be more committed to being authentic--rather than some one else's idea of "perfect".

Some of those scary ideas from childhood—that had never made sense to me—I prayed about and talked over with my favorite priest ever, Father Lasch, and he cheered me on and encouraged me to trust my questioning and maturing faith. (I am so blessed. “Thank you, God and Father Lasch.”)

Doesn't it seem as if it would be essential-- or at least helpful-- for us to feel a very real sense of closeness to the One who created us and lives within and around us-- while we are here on planet earth?

Apparently, we live and move and have our being in this Loving Presence or Being or Force or Higher Power or Light or whatever concept works for us. So, if we can’t feel close to our understanding of “God”—it follows that we would walk through life feeling pretty disconnected and kind of lonely and scared. At least I would.

So, “Thank You, God!” I feel comfortable bugging God all day long with my life stories and “I love you.”s and “Thank you, God!”s and “Help me be more patient with David.”s and “What’s my best next step, God?”s and “Thy Will Be Done.”s :)

This relationship has also inspired me to be kinder to myself and to love myself as I am. At some point I began to really “get” that you and I are made in God’s image—and God is clearly amazing as far as His creativity goes. We are surrounded daily by such beauty within and around us—and it would be quite silly (and egotistical) of me to think that God somehow just messed up with me. :)

There is a great Hazelden book that I ran across in 12 Step rooms—that I love—entitled "In God’s Care". I read it every day and it speaks to me.

On June 11th the passage includes a quote by Paul Frost:

“What do you think of God,” the teacher asked. After a pause, the young pupil replied, “He’s not a think, he’s a feel.”

And I so agree. God, for me, is a definite feel. :) A mystery—for sure—but the parts that I imagine and the feelings I get by doing so—truly help me live my life at a place where I feel feelings that seem to resonate with who I believe God to be—such as; love, joy, gratitude, peace, kindness, etc.

The other cool thing about feeling—connected to our Source—as if feeling totally loved, supported, never alone and guided at all times—is not enough (:))—is that it removes fear around death.

If God put me here on earth—and my life is sustained by the breath and life of God within and flowing through me—then when I am done with my life as Kathy Bowes—I will return to an even greater sense of God, Love, Light, Peace and Joy. And I already enjoy these kinds of feelings here—so my understanding of “Heaven” seems like a good place to end up when we are done here. :)

In my early 30’s—before I met David’s dad, I was living in Malibu and reflecting upon my life and feeling soo good about it.

Pondering where I came from—to where I was in that moment—it just seemed like such a miracle—and I actually felt pretty complete. I thanked God and told Him that I loved my life deeply—and that if it would serve life in any way at all for me to come “home” that I was okay with that.

Well, “Thank You, God!” God/Life had other plans—and at age 42—with an almost 9 year old—son—whom I love as much as I love God—I definitely do not desire to leave anytime soon. :)

I want to be here for David until he is solid in life—and help him get the best possible start. And life got even better and more fun after he arrived—above and beyond my imaginings.

But—even he is helped by my connection with God—as is anyone in my life. It really takes the pressure off others—when we have a primary relationship that is bigger than our human connections. God within me always gets me back to center and reminds me to let others be who they are—and love them, wanting only the best for them—and in humility—I understand that I may not know what that is.

God within makes me stay true to myself—even if others around me are not happy with who “myself” is. :)

God within has helped me choose to be involved with good men—and to only allow loving and kind friends and family close to my heart. It has led me to not get involved with those who are toxic and not good for me—or if I unknowingly d0—step back and not allow it to continue.

I can bless everyone—and remember that they too are “the face of God” –but I understand that they may be forgetting this at the moment.

It’s kind of funny. Early on some people thought I would become a nun—including me. I was kind of afraid of boys once I hit high school and I did not think that they would be attracted to me—in part because of my relationship with God. So, I am actually surprised at times that I got to experience three long term love relationships with wonderful guys—and that I am a momma! :)

So, being close to God does not block us from life in any way. In fact, I think it even helped me in this area. Due to my closeness to and understanding of God—as an adult–I was not really looking for a man to guide me, protect me, and take care of me, etc. I’m not saying that the three men I have been in long-term love relationships with have not done these kind of things—for they definitely have—but I am not a high expectation kind of person and I think it take the pressure off of them.

Any way—feeling a closeness to my understanding of God has consistently helped me in a variety of ways, for sure. :)

Neale Donald Walsch—a favorite author of David and mine—sends out daily messages and the following passage ties in well with what I have been attempting to express.

On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know....that you are deeply loved by God.

Do you know that? I mean, do you really know that?
Because if you do, you will move through life without fear.
You will know that only Perfection can occur.

Yes, yes, I know, sometimes the things that occur don't look perfect...but that is only a matter of perspective. Because you can't see Perfection does not mean it is not there.

Give it Time. It will show itself for sure. Then you will again smile at God's love...and how it plays out.

For now, trust that it will. Always. And in all ways. I would not tell you this were it not true.

So, if you don’t feel close to “God,” feel free to take some time to imagine a “God” that you can feel close to—and take this “God” with you—in consciousness—wherever you go—and close your eyes and imagine and feel loved as much as possible. :)

The following link includes a Natalie Grant song that I sang at church on Father’s Day. It kind of sums up how I feel about God and I—and how I am never alone.

Please excuse the part where I messed up in the beginning—and had to start the track over again. :) And if so inspired enjoy listening to Rev.s Les and Audrey Turner speak about fathers.

http://apps.attainresponse.com/MediaF5/liveRecording.htm?id=19269

Near the end of the video—I also sing IMAGINE—which was my biological father’s favorite song. We had a tough relationship—but I stayed in touch with knowing that deep down he was a beautiful soul—and I tried to see his innocent inner child as much as I could. It was deeply moving for me when he told me—a year or so before he died—that this was his favorite song—for it confirmed what I knew to be true about him.

Take Good Care and Know that You Are Sooo Loved! :)
Kathryn/Kathy

Just Dance! :)

2009-03-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

Have you heard that Lady Gaga song on the radio?
“Just dance, (It’s) gonna be okay… Just dance…”

I soo agree! In fact, I believe that dancing actually helps make everything okay! :)

And I have noticed that dance has been sort of like a beautiful theme running throughout my life.

A very curious boy by nature—David is always asking questions about a variety of topics—but he even questions me, regularly, about my biological father, John Bowes, who died in 1992, when he was only 61. For some reason David brings him up a lot and wants to know more about him.

Although I relay to him true life stories about my childhood, I also try to make a point to search my memories for sweet moments—that don’t include my father calling my mother and I names, chasing us around the house, or the police coming over! :)

Well, my dad and I had a nice connection around dance! We used to love to watch Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly dance—and sometimes when he was sober and in a silly mood he would do the Irish jig for me-- up and down the family room. :)

As a child I loved to dance—and like many little girls took ballet, tap and jazz classes.

By the time I was in junior high school—dance felt like the best way to take care of myself and get away from the hard parts of life, for even a little while. I remember almost daily closing my door and turning my music up and just letting loose. It felt good and lifted my spirits!

When I was in my twenties I used to drive to beautiful parks in the Mendham, New Jersey area, where I lived, to dance with God along the paths. I enjoyed the sunshine coming through the leaves in the trees and felt so close to the God of my understanding—when I did this. I imagined that He was with me—delighting in this connection that I felt with Him—as much as I was.

Interestingly, a few months after I met Werner, David’s “father-to-be,” he gave me the words to a poem that he had written before he met me and asked me to create a song with them.

No one had ever done this before and as I read through them I was touched and noticed immediately that they contained words about dancing. I tweaked them just a bit and they became;

“And so I dance in the spirit of love and laughter.
I dance in the spirit for here and hereafter.
I share with the Spirit my love and laughter
And here my soul is at peace”

Later that year, when I began to put my CD together—I added a simple melody to this little ditty and “And So I Dance” became the title song of my CD. It just seemed to sum up my life in a lovely and true way.

And when David was little, of course, I naturally danced with him all the time—but I became aware, early on, that he loved to dance as well.

By the time he was two or three he was shaking his hips in a particular way—so, I picked up an Elvis DVD and put it on and stood by, watching to see his reaction.

Sure enough, he stopped, and with his eyes wide open—said to me, “Momma! He dances like me!” :)

So, here we are—at age 8 1/2 and David has been competitively hip hop dancing for the past year and so much of our time is spent in hip hop classes and practicing and competitions! :) (Thank God I love dancing so much!)

Oh my gosh. I just flashed on a memory of my brother, Peter, as well.

I remember teaching him his first dance moves—when he was about four or five years old. :) He has definitely advanced tremendously since then, though, with his "lawn sprinkler" and "stir the pot" moves. ;) And, actually, a couple of weeks ago—he spent a Saturday with us and attended David’s three competitive hip hop classes and went home with even more supercool moves to show his wife, Kelly. :)

Funnily enough, he was telling David and me—in the car—that the night before he came down—after visiting with our Mom and Dad, that Kelly—at home in San Francisco—had asked, “What are you guys doing tomorrow?” And when Peter said, “Apparently we are going to a karate class and 3 hip hop classes.” She laughed and said, “No, really?” :)

Yup! It’s true. That is what our lives are about at this point in time. Peter was a total trooper and did come along with us and he and David kept me laughing all day and night. I just love them both so much. I am so blessed.

So, this is my plug for dancing! :) There is only positive that can come from it! :) And not only does it make you feel good—there are no negative side effects! :)

Interestingly, as I do hang out at David’s dance studio, A LOT, I observe that not only are the kids total sweet hearts and really good to one another—they just love to dance! They spend many hours of their evenings and weekends there and they are so happy to do so.

Sometimes after being there from like 11:45 to 5:30 on Saturday—I will say to David, “Is this too much, Honey? Would you like to decrease the number of routine you are involved in?” and he will look at me with this shocked expression and say, “Are you crazy, Momma?” (Which I feel is a totally separate issue—that we both know the answer to!;)) “No way! I love to dance!” And I feel extremely grateful that he already is involved in positive activities.

Another little story....When David first started getting into the whole “army guy” thing—I refused to fight with my figures when he asked me to play. Instead I had my army guys dance. :)
“Momma! Army guys don’t dance!” David would tell me with some slight frustration in his voice.

“Well, maybe if army guys danced more often they would be so busy being happy and enjoying their lives that they would forget to fight and we would have world peace and joy!”

And recently we met an actual army guy, Brian, at church, and when David asked him if army guys dance—he said, “Absolutely!” So, there ya go! :) There is hope! :)

Wanna spread love and joy throughout the land through dancing? :) Wanna? Wanna? :)

I have a bumper sticker on my car that says, “Forget your troubles and dance!” And I stand...or dance...by this idea whole heartedly! :)

SO, the next time we need a lift—let’s dance and know that everything will be alright—at some point—and that it actually is alright—right now—at some level.

We are always being loved and supported! Always! :)

With Love,
Kathryn

Out of My Comfort Zone and Open-Hearted :)

2009-02-18T19:43:00.000-08:00

So, David and Werner pull me out of my comfort zone, at times, and I sooo appreciate this. Not always, initially….but, usually, eventually! ;)

For instance…this past weekend we went skiing in Big Bear.

Yes, we actually do get snow in various parts of California, something I never realized when I lived on the East Coast! :)

David has been skiing, almost every year, since he was 3 and he loves it!

I have not joined David and Werner on their mini-ski trips for the past four years, though, and am really okay with that. :) Werner was the one who took me on my first skiing adventure and I think that I joined him, maybe, two times.

Early last week, though, Werner called me at work and told me that he had booked Thursday and Friday night in Big Bear—and asked me if I could get off work to join them. I said it was highly doubtful, with such late notice, :) but much to my dismay my manager approved my leave request! :)

David was incredibly excited all week—so, I kept asking him to remind me why we love skiing—and he did. :) And I kept an open-mind and heart!

By Friday afternoon—after my lesson and a few successful jumps off the lift and runs down the bunny hill, my anxiety level went down and I began to really enjoy the experience.

We were in the midst of a snow storm and many people had left for the day. There was a sense of stillness, with everything white and beautiful.

David was in his glory, with his head tilted back and tongue out—catching snow flakes—every time he was not whizzing down the hill. :) (Too cute!)

And a few times, when I got to the bottom, David and Werner were standing there smiling and giving me kudos.

David said things like, “Momma, you are doing really well! You’re getting faster!” and repeatedly, “Will you come with us again, next year?”

I felt loved and my heart-- full of gratitude. It’s always the simple things in life, for me.

And Saturday afternoon, as we waited for Werner to get the car, David snuggled up with me and sang one of his original “I LOVE YOU, MOMMA” songs to me, without any thought of the many skiers and snow boarders around us—and again, my heart was overflowing, as I took in this beautiful moment. :) I am fully aware that he is eight and growing up fast and things will change, so, I cherish every loving and kind moment between us. I am so blessed.

People are always telling me how lucky he is to have me as a mother…that I am perfect for him, because I allow him to be all of who he is—but I know the truth. I am absolutely the lucky one! :) He brings out the best in me and forgives me for the rest.

Anyway, even though I really did love skiing—and only fell twice in two days—I thought I was in the clear at that point—but after lunch they informed me that we were going sledding! :) They knew of some hot spot—and when I saw how steep this area was, I offered to be the photographer! :) But they weren't buying it….and, again, I was so grateful that they pushed me out of my comfort zone.

Sledding down a steep hill—while trying to protect your son’s life—is the funniest thing ever. It just made me laugh so hard! :)

Funnily enough, when I returned home, I checked my emails and one of my daily inspirational group emails contained a quote that summed up what I have been writing about.

“If you have the courage to step outside of your comfort zone, you will not only be amazed by the marvel and sights of the world, but also with the wonders that lay deep within yourself.”
Rosanna Ienco

Let's allow ourselves many moments where we step outside of our comfort zones—so that we can be blessed in such beautiful, joyful and fulfilling ways! :) Life is good! And so are you! :)

With Love,
Kathryn

Passing On America's Got Talent

2009-01-28T19:47:00.000-08:00

At about this time last year, I auditioned for America’s Got Talent and did not make it past the first round.

I had experienced mixed feelings about even doing it—at this point in my life--but one of David’s best buddies, after having heard me sing, told me that I should audition for it. So, David, our friend, Donna, and I made a day of it.

David was quite disappointed, at first. But by the time we got to the car, he was telling me to try again this year. :)

I have not mentioned it to him, yet, but I did receive an email inviting me to audition again and the try outs are this week.

The good news is that I have no desire to give it another shot. None. I’d rather sing to David every night. :)

Going back to the whole “grass is green” theme of my blog—I just feel like life turned out—in a way—that best fits me. "Thank you, God."

Ever since I began singing solos—people have said things like, “Why aren’t you out there singing to more people? If I had your voice, I would be!” “You sound like Joni Mitchell…or Sheena Easton…or Celine Dion…or…” “You could make it big!” “You could be famous!”

Well, fame has never been interesting to me.

Do you know what is?
_When we are true to ourselves and kind and loving towards others
_When we are able to make it through tough times and create positive lives, anyway
_When we are right in the midst of challenging times and remain a loving person, and
_When we share our gifts and use our lives for good…I find all of these interesting! :)

Doing what I love to do and being able to support myself financially has definitely been appealing to me. And at times singing was my favorite thing to do, but I never felt any need for fame, or a desire to be famous. And since I was on my own at age 18, I also had no desire to be a starving artist—so, I made sure I finished college and graduate school—so that I’d be set, either way.

Meanwhile, I’ve been blessed to earn more money through singing than social work some years—and I’ve experienced an abundance of unique and fun singing opportunities.

Interestingly, one time I saw Celine being interviewed—and someone commented about how wonderful it must be for her little boy—to have Celine sing to him all the time—and surprisingly she shared that her son—who is about David’s age—did not like it when she sung to him.

I felt some sadness for her at that moment and extremely grateful that David always asks me to sing to him. He knows all the words to the songs on my CD and every night—whether he is sleeping down here—or upstairs—he needs me to sing my songs to him. And the few nights that I’ve not been available to sing to him—as he fell off to sleep—he put his walkman on—and listened to my CD.

Actually, the other night, my friend Marjorie, some friends from work (including the one I hugged when I was initially interviewed for my present job ;)) and I went to see Dr. Wayne Dyer and when I got home, David was already asleep. I gave him a snuggle and carefully took the ear phones off his ears. The next morning he told me the specific song he fell asleep to. Is that not the sweetest thing? I just love him so much and cannot get over how incredibly blessed I am sometimes.

Okay, so getting back to America’s Got Talent. We did watch the show last year from the top 20 on down—and enjoyed all the acts tremendously. David would comment, at times, about how I could sing a particular song better than a vocalist—and how he could not believe that they made it through and I didn’t, etc., (Yes, he is my greatest fan. :)) but I never felt like I wished I was there. Actually, I was more in touch with how happy I was that I was snuggled up in bed watching. :)

I am not made to get on a stage and put my singing and myself out there in that kind of way…and I no longer have a life drama to report—like many of the contestants do. I’m pretty boring. :)

Those of you who are close to me know that I have had my share of painful experiences in life, for sure, as do we all, but at this point in time “Living Happy Joyous & Free” is what I’m all about. Absolutely!

So, I would choose my every day, average, amazingly green life over Celine’s any day. It fits me well. “Thank you, God.”

At times I hear people say things that reflect the idea of --"Be careful what you pray for....You may get it!" or "I have shed more tears over answered prayers," etc. and that is why I like adding "Thy Will Be Done" to any thought or prayer. I know that God has the best in mind for me and am given signs of this all the time.

So, let's go out there, today, and do what we love and share our talents--right where we are! :)

With Love,
Kathryn/Kathy

2009 is Divine and Your Year to Shine! :)

2009-01-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

Can you feel it?
Do you see how YOU actually are a spark of the Divine?
A beautiful child of God…a precious soul…a being of light…an amazing, loveable expression of God’s Love, creativity and beauty….Yes! That is who YOU truly are.

Just take a moment—if so inspired—and close your eyes and really breathe that in.
Get in touch with who you really are.

And I hope that you and I stay aware of who we really are lots this year and allow our love and light to shine oh so brightly! When it does—it uplifts us all! :)

And if you ever are having one of those moments....and you need me to tell you how beautiful you are—just say the word. I can do that! :)

So, Peter and Kelly’s visit for Christmas was wonderful and so much fun.

Christmas Eve we hung out a bit, baked cookies for Santa, and then David had us all write him a letter. :) We watched the DVD from Peter and Kelly’s wedding—(which of course made me cry a bit)—and enjoyed remembering how amazing it was. David’s commentary made us laugh as well. Out of the mouths of 8 year olds! :)

David had me up at 1:40 am to see if Santa had come….and sure enough he had! :)

Thankfully, we fell back to sleep until 5:30 and then tip toed out to the living room, sang Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus, put him in his manger, and checked our stockings!

Once everyone was up—we opened gifts-- and believe it or not--a sock monkey was clearly the present that David got most excited about! :) He is so darn cute.

When Mom and Dad arrived—we did our Goofy Grab Bag exchange, which always brings us lots of laughs.

It was incredibly special to have Mom and Dad here because--though they live only an hour away-- they have not visited us in over a year—due to mom’s pain and medical issues. It was a real treat!

Meghan, Hal, Julia, Ryan and Ava were out East—but luckily they sent photos over the internet and we got to connect by phone. They've put in their request for all of us to join them in Boston for Christmas next year....and I asked if we could celebrate Christmas in October or November! :)

After a yummalicious dinner, we had lots of laughter as we played a new game—Pictionary Man— and then watched Elf. (Oh my gosh! David and I can watch this movie any time of the year and laugh on and on at Elf's innocence and way of being.)

I feel extremely blessed whenever I am with my family. Every one of them is such a good person and I just love them so much. (Thank You, God! And thank you everyone in my family for being who you are!) Having time to be with them and play together is my favorite present ever! :)

Over the next couple of days we got to see a couple of movies, take a walk at the ocean, play at Boomers (lazer tag, go karts, and video games) and eat at Islands.

New Years Eve David, Werner and I did our yearly tradition of going to Legoland and having a big party there. They bring in a band and do the fireworks for the kids—just after sunset. This year we invited David’s Hip Hop duet partner, Taryn, and her parents-- and it was even more fun!

Then we went out for sushi and talked about our favorite 2008 moments and dreamt out loud about what we wanted to see happen in our lives in 2009.

When we got home we caught New York City bringing in the new year and I felt complete! :) But for the first time David asked that we stay up until midnight.

At 11:55--as he lay asleep next to me--I sat him up and tried to get him to wake-up! :) And at 12:00 I was still trying to wake him so that we could celebrate! He--with eyes half closed--said...."Yeah, Happy New Year..." and was back off to sleep! :) He barely remembered this in the morning!

New Years Day was gorgeous, here in CA—so, I did another beloved, yearly tradition—and ran 3 miles at the beach. Then I sat in the sand, enjoyed the sunshine, beauty, and the sound of the waves and wrote to God about all that I am grateful for. I also noted some things I’d like to accomplish in the coming year.

It’s kind of neat because since I got my overeating thing worked out—about 12 years ago—I can actually stick with my intentions for the year—when I choose to make them. Some years I don’t feel inspired around making any goals, but this year I had a few in mind. And so far, so good! YAY! "Thank You, God!" But there’s no pressure. The things I noted, I want to do and/or be.

So, here’s a belated “HAPPY 2009 ~ A DIVINE YEAR TO SHINE” to you! :)

Know that you are loved and that I am pulling for you always!
Kathryn/Kathy

Is It Nap Time Yet? :)

2008-12-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

SO, it has been two crazyfun, (I just felt like making that into one word.:)) sparkling green weeks! Man oh man! And I am sooo ready for a nap! :)

On the 11th I sang to #485 co-workers and “Thank You, God!” it went beautifully. (Phew! Can you believe I still get nervous about singing in front of people who have not heard me?)

San Diego Regional Center has a yearly holiday party/luncheon/show and in November the director—asked me to sing one of my two all time favorite songs—“Over The Rainbow”—and asked me to rewrite the words with him. We made it silly…about an ideal job at the regional center—where everyone is happy and smiling and we have case loads of #25. :)

My co-workers loved it and I have been hearing such sweet, kind and positive remarks since…. “I never knew!” “Where does that voice come from?” “You blew us away!” “You should have seen everyone at the front tables—They were staring up at you with their mouths and eyes wide open!” “You were the highlight!” “You better sing again next year!” :)

What fun it is to reveal another side of me to people that I work with every day and have this be so well received. “Thank you, God.” It’s a vulnerable thing for me, for some reason. I am not a performer. I am a singer and I sing from my heart and I usually only feel comfortable singing to children, or loved ones, or in a church—where I am singing about God or love or things that I believe in deeply. So, this was a real treat and a wonderful experience.

Since then,

I’ve attended a wonderful Christmas concert with my friend, Lavonne.

David tested for his orange belt–passed—and received it at a fun awards ceremony. His dad has joined him in karate as well—and he received his yellow belt!

We had our unit retreat from work and got to enjoy each other outside of the office.

We had our candle light service at our sweet, loving church—filled with fun caroling, candle lighting and the sharing of heartfelt stories. David appeared as Santa. Then he and his friend, Melanie, put on their glowing, red noses. And “Oh my gosh!”, I was in tears (from laughing so hard—and trying not to) as David, so sincerely, told everyone the story of Rudolph and how he did not think it was right that his dad did not just let Rudolph be who he was and made him cover up his nose….but his mom still loved him and Clarice—a girl reindeer did too. :) He shared many other details about the story as well--and questioned parts-- out loud-- along the way that he did not understand....like, "What made the little dolly a misfit anyway?" (Which I don't understand either...)

David’s dance school also put on “The Grinch”—and he and his friends performed a cool hip hop routine in it.

By the way, have you ever watched little three and four year old girls do ballet? It’s another experience that just brings up joy until it is bubbling out into laughter. They are all watching each other and kind of just doing their own thing—so beautifully and gracefully—as their teacher tries to guide them from the sidelines. It is incredibly funny and precious!

Then we attended Chris and Jen’s yearly Big Kahuna Christmas party! With jumpers, Santa, karaoke and lovely moments with people from our church.

We are soo blessed! Thank you, God! And I have not written one Christmas card and tomorrow is Christmas Eve! And there is much excitement brewing here—as David and I look forward to my brother, Peter, and his wife, Kelly, arriving tomorrow and Mom and Dad coming down on Christmas day.

I feel myself getting a second wind just in the nick of time. "Thank you, God!" My inner honey bun is kicking in and I can’t wait to spend the next few days with family!

And I’ve done my best with shopping and cleaning and I am now moving into “GOOD ENOUGH” mode…not my forte’ but, “Aaaaah, I’m ready for it!” :)

So, I hope that you are feeling loved and connected with loved ones and/or God—and that your heart is full of love and peace—and that you are having moments of joy amidst the business of this season—and that you are feeling gratitude for your blessed life and ready to relax into the next few days. Happy Holidays! :)

With Love,
Kathy

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T19:34:00.000-08:00

So, I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving and felt very blessed.

David’s Dada had offered to bring David and me to Las Vegas for a couple of days and I asked if we could create an adventure for David at Yosemite instead. David and I had never been there and I would choose being out in nature and in a beautiful place over Las Vegas any day. Luckily Werner jumped on the idea.

David is into the Discovery channel and on Friday nights we often watch a show named, “Man Vs Wild” and there is this guy named Bear who shares with us his crazy adventures out in the wilderness. David likes to act like Bear sometimes and have me video him pretending that he is in the wilds as well—while right here in our family room,:), so, he was pumped about Yosemite as well.

We headed out really early Thanksgiving morning—before the sun was up—and got to Yosemite View Lodge—right on the Merced River—(I just love the sound of a river, the ocean waves, or rain--while falling off to sleep! :)) in time to freshen up a bit and find our way to “The Lodge” where we had a wonderful Thanksgiving meal. (My favorite kind—where I don’t need to cook and put others’ lives in danger.) :)

After dinner, as we were walking outside, I saw someone who looked just like Santa. I whispered to David about this and the gentleman walked right up to David-- and while pointing at him with his cane—said, “I have my elves keeping an eye on you.” And David’s mouth dropped and his eyes popped open wide! :)

We never saw him after this moment….Very interesting…..:)

So, for three days we did lots of hiking, saw beautiful foliage, amazing redwoods (which David and I made sure to hug), lots of deer—babies and buck included—and coyotes.

At one point, we were hiking and I looked up to see this rather large animal, on a rock, up above us, looking directly at me. The “s” word came out of my mouth and I asked Werner and David to take a look and tell me if they thought this animal was a wolf. Werner said it was a big coyote and David reminded me that I had just sworn. :) I apologized, explaining that sometimes that happens when I get scared. :)

Yes, there is not an ounce of “Bear” in me. In fact, I really wanted to see some black bears—but while in our car—not while hiking. :)

David was teasing me about this and calling me a scaredy cat—and I announced boldly, “I am brave and mighty—hear me roar!” then I gave out a little meow—and he laughed and kept asking me to do this again and again over the weekend. :) (Thank goodness he is so easily entertained! :))

We took time throughout our little adventure to share with each other all that we are grateful for. We are incredibly blessed.

I am sure I will write more about gratitude another day—for it is one of my favorite subjects and daily practices—but for now—please know that if you are one of my friends or family members—I thought of you and thanked God for you lots on Thanksgiving. You are loved and appreciated deeply.

With Love,
Kathryn

Birthday and Braggin' About My Boy! :)

2008-11-23T17:20:00.000-08:00

So, my birthday was just perfect. “Thank You, God!” :)

David came with me to church and I was showered with love, cards, “Happy Birthday” songs and presents.

I received all the fun voicemails from my family and friends as well—which always make me smile, laugh and feel so connected and blessed to have the best family and friends.

The main thing I wanted to do was see my mom and dad, so, in the afternoon we stopped at Chin’s Chinese restaurant, picked up their favorite meals and surprised them with a visit and dinner. It was so good to hug them and just be with them for a couple of hours. Life has been very challenging for them—for about a year and half now—and I wish I could take my mom’s pain away and give them back the life that they used to have.

When we returned home my friend, Marjorie, had left me a balloon, card and present. :) Then we had dinner with a friend, Jeannine, at Islands.

And this year, more than ever, I was aware—during my birthday week—of how very loved I am—and known—both. To be known and loved has got to be the best thing ever in life—and probably what we all seek on some level.

Even during our unit meeting at work—they surprised Maria and I with a huge chocolate chip cookie with “Happy Birthday Kathy and Maria!” noted. And as we admired it, Faith handed me a huge apple. :) And their card was just filled with the kindest comments and wishes.

And you should see my desk, here, with all the rainbow and other beautiful cards--filled with loving words! :) Unbelievable!

I’ll write more about the concept of being all of who we are and finding out that we are still so loveable—another day—as Captain David, the pirate, is waiting to play with me at the moment. :)

But I did also want to brag about him a bit.

At his first conference his wonderful teacher—who is absolutely an angel—shared about how well he is doing in second grade—outside of his chatting. :) (It’s hereditary, I think.:)) And she explained that he would be receiving an academic award this past Tuesday morning—along with a perfect attendance certificate.

My manager allowed me to go—and as I sat there Tuesday watching him do the “stirring the pot” dance move up on stage—while his class mates stood properly—in celebration of his perfect attendance—I smiled and thought to myself, “Anyone watching him right now is probably not expecting him to receive an academic award.” :)

And then I discovered that each class only had one academic award being given—and out of the five 2nd grade classes—he was the only boy to receive one.

I sat there, as I often do, and felt so impressed by the kind of person he is. He is so balanced. He is ready to play and have fun and be silly and dance and sing. Meanwhile, he is thoughtful and caring towards others. And he is so intelligent and always asking questions and contributing to class discussions. He is above and beyond anything I could have ever dreamed up—and I just love him so much.

So, AAARGH, me, matey! I be off, now, to sail the seven seas with me Captain! :)

May you see the treasures that surround you and reside within you at all times.

With Love,
Kathy

Last Day of 41! :)

2008-11-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

Do you do that…the day before your birthday? :)

And while I am enjoying my last day of being 41—I’m really excited about turning 42!

For some reason, as soon as I turned 41, I felt like “42” was going to be a great year. :) Odd, but true. It just has a certain ring to it—like “33” had, for me. And little did I know—when I turned 33—that I would become pregnant with David and he’d be born that year. And since this is the best thing that has happened in my life, thus far, I’m thinking something pretty special is happening while I’m 42! :) No clue what it is--but I'm trusting I will love it!

And even though David is usually telling me I look like a teenager and sweet things like, “Momma, you have a lot of young in you!” he must be seeing my age begin to show because the other night when he was singing me one of his beautiful, original, love songs, he sang,

“I love you…I love you…I love you….
I love you just the way you are.
I love you even though you’re old.”

And I looked at him…..and smiled….and said, “Even though I’m old?” :)
And he laughed and tried to explain his way out of his lyrics.

Apparently he thinks I look like I am in my 20’s now. :)
Good save, don’t ya think? Smart boy.

But, really, I don’t worry about this kind of thing. I find beauty in people of all ages, shapes, sizes colors and characteristics. It’s definitely in the eyes of the beholder and this beholder is beholdin’ lots of beauty! :)

Thank you for sharing your beauty and “young” with the world today! :)

With Love,
Kathy

"I'm sorry, Paula."

2008-11-12T18:48:00.000-08:00

I just read such a sad story about a 30 year old woman, named Paula, who took her life near Paula Abdul’s home, and watched a clip of when she auditioned for American Idol in 2006.

As I watched I apologized, periodically, to her soul/spirit—“I’m sorry, Honey—for whatever pain led you to this.”

She was beautiful to me—creative—and excited at a chance to share herself, her voice, her fashion sense, her artwork—which was quite good.

I could just imagine her as a child—so full of life and limitless possibilities….I can’t even imagine what her family is going through at this moment.

And as I watched Paula, Simon and Randy react to her—I just wondered why we ever have to be mean to others.

I get the disagreeing and seeing things differently and trying to express that to each other. I understand that sometimes things don’t come out in a pretty way. I understand being grumpy and impatient and saying things in anger and apologizing later. But to be mean to others….it’s just not necessary….it’s very sad.

In fact—David was targeted this summer a couple of times by older kids—and it was very upsetting. It was worked out—and he handled himself so well in both situations—but in one incident I did not feel safe sending him off to summer camp the next day and debated calling in to work.

When I told the camp counselor about what he said some older kids did to him the previous day—“Thank you, God”-- she took it very seriously and questioned each child privately and sure enough his story held up. The counselor kept me up to date throughout the day and there were serious consequences given to the children. I felt safe in going to work and believed that the counselors were going to be watching the kids more closely.

That same day, though, the main counselor told me that David—a first grader—soon to be second grader-- had been standing up to the 4th and 5th graders who were picking on special needs kids throughout the summer—and as a result he was getting picked on as well. She revealed that she had heard him say on several occasions to these kids, “Stop it. It’s not okay to treat others this way.”

I got tears in my eyes—feeling so proud of the person he chooses to be already. I was not that brave at 7. I was kind to other kids--but I sure didn't stand up to bullies.

But you see—David already knows who we are—and he remembers it much of the time.

There is this extraordinary book, The Little Soul and The Sun, written by Neale Donald Walsch and it is one of David’s favorite books.

The basic idea behind it—is that we are all beautiful light beings—or souls—and we understand that when we get to earth that we are going to forget this and get into our little ego dramas. But before we come down here, we create agreements with each other—and in this particular story—one little soul tells God that he wants to have the experience of forgiveness. Another little soul offers to help him with this--but it will require that she do something to him that will hurt him in someway—so that he has the opportunity to forgive her. And she agrees—but asks him to try to remember that she is really still a beautiful light being—even in the midst of whatever it is that she is doing. He promises to do this.

Well, a couple of days after we first read this book—he was probably 5 at the time—David came home and said, “Momma! (Insert the name of a little boy here_______) is doing a really good job! When I get to Heaven I’m going to tell him!” I asked him what he meant and he told me about a boy who was being really mean to others—and added that he was remembering that this boy was still really a good soul underneath all of that.

I was like—“WOW! Amazing!”

Then another time when boys were teasing someone with autism at his after school program—David said to this older boy, again, “Do you know who he is?” And the boy said—“A big loser?” And David went on to explain to him that he was a beautiful soul, etc. :)

Can’t even imagine what this boy was thinking at that moment….but I just embraced David and laughed at how bold he is--thanking him.

So, if a 5 or 7 year old can remember who we really are---so can I. :)

And though I absolutely don’t do it perfectly—(Just ask David!:)) I do get back to this consciousness as quickly as I can during the day.

Sometimes people are doing a really good acting job :) and it’s hard to remember that they are beautiful children of God—amazing souls and light beings.

But when I stay close to God and get centered—I see them more clearly. And when I treat them like they are a beautiful soul—it’s like a part of them wakes up and remembers too—and they step into this.

I know that you know what I mean—you beautiful soul, you! :)

Thank you for all the times you choose to be kind and loving. It uplifts us all.

With Love,
Kathy

Glass Half Full, Loving, and Flu Shots

2008-11-10T05:29:00.000-08:00

Good morning! :) So, I have some stories on my mind this morning, so, here ya go! :)

Story #1:
I now work with CA Early Start—assessing newborns to three year olds—and if they are eligible—helping their parents put services in place to support them with their development—such as; various therapies or infant programs. (I love it so much! It is an honor and a joy to do this work.)

Well, recently, we celebrated a member of our team with flowers, balloons and a card—and one of my co-workers wrote something in our card that I just loved.

“Some people see the glass half empty. Some see it half full. But you are the only person I know—who when the glass is completely empty—you still see it as half full.” :)

Isn’t that great? What a wonderful quality to have.

Even when I had nearly five case loads--and this was affecting me tremendously--she was there giving me pep talks from a very positive perspective. Granted, they did not seem related to reality at the time (:)) --but I appreciated her support and knew she was pulling for me.

Today, I am actually down to a case load that is much more manageable and I think her attitude is-- in part-- why this is so.

I love that she is this way—and even more positive than I am! :)

Story #2:
I am a music director/singer for a beautiful, loving church and Rev. Les—one of our ministers, reminds us every week to love everyone and everything—exactly the way it is—for our one hour together—and if we enjoy the way this feels—to extend this out into our daily life—one hour at a time. If we mess up—and start judging—and forget to love—“No problem.” :) We can just start again—without beating ourselves up.

The idea is simple, practical and I love it! I never get tired of Rev. Les reminding us to do this. What could be more important in life—than to love ourselves and others as we are? How powerful and uplifting it would be if we could sustain such a place of being on a more regular basis.

Since I was a little girl—God has made it clear to me—that I am on earth to love others in the same way that I feel loved by God. And this reminder helps me when I feel some form of non-love creeping in.

I remember, “Oh yeah. I’m not here to judge—but to love,” and I ask God to help me release any thoughts or feelings that are blocking me from loving—and get back to practicing loving everyone and everything—exactly as it is—for this moment—and trusting that everyone and everything is being what it’s meant to be. I guess it’s sort of like The Serenity Prayer. And it just feels way better to me. I’m into feeling happy, joyous and free! So, it fits me well. :)

Story #3:
David sang “This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land” at church yesterday—for the second solo. Then we had a wonderful autumn-like day together. It was quite windy and fun! It felt like the East Coast! :)

This morning we are off for David’s yearly flu shot—one of his least favorite things to do in life. He’s allergic to eggs—so, for years now—they have done a traumatic multi part procedure—that takes hours. First they do a scratch test on his back—to determine if he is still allergic. Then they insert needles under his skin to figure out how many times to break up the flu shot—and then they break it up into three doses. Last year I finally said to the nurse, “Okay, the scratch testing confirms he is still allergic to egg—so, can we bypass the next part and just split it into three shots?” Luckily his allergist heard me and stepped in and told them to do this—and I have gotten approval ahead of time—for this to happen again this year.

And if you are wondering why we even do flu shots....I wonder this every year too. :) I think I had my first flu shot after David was born--to protect him. Apparently, because of his asthma and allergies he is at risk in some way if he gets the flu--so he is on the high priority list for flu shots.

The good news, though, is—that as soon as we are done—we get two days of freedom to play our way and enjoy each other. We don't have school or work and it looks like there are all sorts of fun things in store, such as; High School Musical 3 and a road trip to Malibu and Santa Monica. But I let him lead the way. During our down time--I like to surrender and let him decide what we'll do.

I was thinking yesterday about how I really do have a 10 page “To Do” list—but partly this is because when it comes to my time with David—I usually set it aside and just enjoy being present with him—which is my most favorite thing to do! :)

Okay, so have the best day ever! :) And we will do the same!

With Love,
Kathy

Finally! :)

2008-11-09T06:19:00.000-08:00

So, I have been wanting to write a blog for awhile. I'm a writer by nature and I thought it would be a nice way to share some of my life stories with loved ones and read their stories as well. My friends-- Donna, Marjorie and Karen have shared their blogs with me--and now a musician whose music I love, listen to and sing all the time has begun one--and in joining up to follow his journey to France--I was given promptings to easily set this up--so, here I am. :) YAY!

I'll write more later, but...YES! I love my life! :) "Thank you, God!" And every day I find more and more reasons to love and enjoy it and I look forward to sharing my stories with you--and reading yours in response. Okeedokee? :)

Have a beautiful day, enjoying your life--as it is--and seeing where the grass is green--right here and now! :) We are so blessed to be alive and on this incredible journey called life! :)

With Love,
Kathy