We Are Always Connected to "God"

Recently, I was emailing back and forth with a friend who is in the process of healing from a physical challenge.

In the midst of this sharing, she noted that she has felt like others may be more connected to God than she is—and thanked me for holding her in prayer.

This has stayed on my mind and in my heart, since then, and is inspiring me to write about this, today.

So, I firmly believe that each and every one of us is equally connected to God—at all times—whether we are aware of it or not.

Maybe we each spend a different amount of time developing this connection or relationship—but I am as connected to our Higher Power—as she is—or any other person is—absolutely.

For a variety of reasons—since I was little—I have spent a lot of time nourishing this relationship with my ever evolving understanding of God.

In part, I think it was a survival thing—when I was little. I needed to believe in a God that was with me, listening to me, pulling for me, even crying with me and saying things to me like, “It’s okay, Kathryn. Some day life will be easier and better. I am with you. Don’t be afraid. I don’t want this for you. I want you to have a beautiful and happy life—and some day we will be able to co-create this together. Stick close to me—and I will be with and guide you throughout your life.”

But even then it was a very, deep love relationship. I really felt love for and loved by God and I wanted others to feel this.

I remember wanting to be a saint (until I realized I was way too human for this)….then a nun….then a missionary (when I realized that I loved boys too much…in 7th grade or so.:)). I used to imagine that some day I’d marry a man who loved God as much as I did—and we’d go around the world and make sure that others knew how much God loved them as well. I did not care what religion they were—for God’s Love is way bigger than any religion. I just wanted everyone on planet earth to know and feel deeply how much they are loved by God.

Imagination is a key factor—I believe—in feeling connected to God. Each of us holds some sort of image in our mind about who God is—and this affects how we relate to God.

As I re-worked my concept of God in my 20’s I made sure to have my understanding of God be someone that I could fully trust and feel close to and loved by—at all times. I took out the judgment parts—and the parts that seemed to expect perfection from me—and I added lots of joy to the mix. I began to really feel like God delighted in me—enjoyed our relationship—and found me funny. :) This allowed me to relax into life a bit more and be more committed to being authentic--rather than some one else's idea of "perfect".

Some of those scary ideas from childhood—that had never made sense to me—I prayed about and talked over with my favorite priest ever, Father Lasch, and he cheered me on and encouraged me to trust my questioning and maturing faith. (I am so blessed. “Thank you, God and Father Lasch.”)

Doesn't it seem as if it would be essential-- or at least helpful-- for us to feel a very real sense of closeness to the One who created us and lives within and around us-- while we are here on planet earth?

Apparently, we live and move and have our being in this Loving Presence or Being or Force or Higher Power or Light or whatever concept works for us. So, if we can’t feel close to our understanding of “God”—it follows that we would walk through life feeling pretty disconnected and kind of lonely and scared. At least I would.

So, “Thank You, God!” I feel comfortable bugging God all day long with my life stories and “I love you.”s and “Thank you, God!”s and “Help me be more patient with David.”s and “What’s my best next step, God?”s and “Thy Will Be Done.”s :)

This relationship has also inspired me to be kinder to myself and to love myself as I am. At some point I began to really “get” that you and I are made in God’s image—and God is clearly amazing as far as His creativity goes. We are surrounded daily by such beauty within and around us—and it would be quite silly (and egotistical) of me to think that God somehow just messed up with me. :)

There is a great Hazelden book that I ran across in 12 Step rooms—that I love—entitled "In God’s Care". I read it every day and it speaks to me.

On June 11th the passage includes a quote by Paul Frost:

“What do you think of God,” the teacher asked. After a pause, the young pupil replied, “He’s not a think, he’s a feel.”

And I so agree. God, for me, is a definite feel. :) A mystery—for sure—but the parts that I imagine and the feelings I get by doing so—truly help me live my life at a place where I feel feelings that seem to resonate with who I believe God to be—such as; love, joy, gratitude, peace, kindness, etc.

The other cool thing about feeling—connected to our Source—as if feeling totally loved, supported, never alone and guided at all times—is not enough (:))—is that it removes fear around death.

If God put me here on earth—and my life is sustained by the breath and life of God within and flowing through me—then when I am done with my life as Kathy Bowes—I will return to an even greater sense of God, Love, Light, Peace and Joy. And I already enjoy these kinds of feelings here—so my understanding of “Heaven” seems like a good place to end up when we are done here. :)

In my early 30’s—before I met David’s dad, I was living in Malibu and reflecting upon my life and feeling soo good about it.

Pondering where I came from—to where I was in that moment—it just seemed like such a miracle—and I actually felt pretty complete. I thanked God and told Him that I loved my life deeply—and that if it would serve life in any way at all for me to come “home” that I was okay with that.

Well, “Thank You, God!” God/Life had other plans—and at age 42—with an almost 9 year old—son—whom I love as much as I love God—I definitely do not desire to leave anytime soon. :)

I want to be here for David until he is solid in life—and help him get the best possible start. And life got even better and more fun after he arrived—above and beyond my imaginings.

But—even he is helped by my connection with God—as is anyone in my life. It really takes the pressure off others—when we have a primary relationship that is bigger than our human connections. God within me always gets me back to center and reminds me to let others be who they are—and love them, wanting only the best for them—and in humility—I understand that I may not know what that is.

God within makes me stay true to myself—even if others around me are not happy with who “myself” is. :)

God within has helped me choose to be involved with good men—and to only allow loving and kind friends and family close to my heart. It has led me to not get involved with those who are toxic and not good for me—or if I unknowingly d0—step back and not allow it to continue.

I can bless everyone—and remember that they too are “the face of God” –but I understand that they may be forgetting this at the moment.

It’s kind of funny. Early on some people thought I would become a nun—including me. I was kind of afraid of boys once I hit high school and I did not think that they would be attracted to me—in part because of my relationship with God. So, I am actually surprised at times that I got to experience three long term love relationships with wonderful guys—and that I am a momma! :)

So, being close to God does not block us from life in any way. In fact, I think it even helped me in this area. Due to my closeness to and understanding of God—as an adult–I was not really looking for a man to guide me, protect me, and take care of me, etc. I’m not saying that the three men I have been in long-term love relationships with have not done these kind of things—for they definitely have—but I am not a high expectation kind of person and I think it take the pressure off of them.

Any way—feeling a closeness to my understanding of God has consistently helped me in a variety of ways, for sure. :)

Neale Donald Walsch—a favorite author of David and mine—sends out daily messages and the following passage ties in well with what I have been attempting to express.

On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know....that you are deeply loved by God.

Do you know that? I mean, do you really know that?
Because if you do, you will move through life without fear.
You will know that only Perfection can occur.

Yes, yes, I know, sometimes the things that occur don't look perfect...but that is only a matter of perspective. Because you can't see Perfection does not mean it is not there.

Give it Time. It will show itself for sure. Then you will again smile at God's love...and how it plays out.

For now, trust that it will. Always. And in all ways. I would not tell you this were it not true.

So, if you don’t feel close to “God,” feel free to take some time to imagine a “God” that you can feel close to—and take this “God” with you—in consciousness—wherever you go—and close your eyes and imagine and feel loved as much as possible. :)

The following link includes a Natalie Grant song that I sang at church on Father’s Day. It kind of sums up how I feel about God and I—and how I am never alone.

Please excuse the part where I messed up in the beginning—and had to start the track over again. :) And if so inspired enjoy listening to Rev.s Les and Audrey Turner speak about fathers.

http://apps.attainresponse.com/MediaF5/liveRecording.htm?id=19269

Near the end of the video—I also sing IMAGINE—which was my biological father’s favorite song. We had a tough relationship—but I stayed in touch with knowing that deep down he was a beautiful soul—and I tried to see his innocent inner child as much as I could. It was deeply moving for me when he told me—a year or so before he died—that this was his favorite song—for it confirmed what I knew to be true about him.

Take Good Care and Know that You Are Sooo Loved! :)
Kathryn/Kathy